


all for you

by kisumia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Cheating, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm so sorry, M/M, i didn't even mean for this to be sad but it just came out really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:16:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisumia/pseuds/kisumia
Summary: Jaemin knows he shouldn’t. He can’t risk his sanity again. But, hell, he’s willing to do it for Mark over and over again.





	all for you

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY this is really sad, like really sad. This is the final warning. Also before anyone gets angry, I DO NOT condone cheating whatsoever. I just wanted to make it clear that I don't support or encourage cheating at all. This is just purely for the sake of fiction. 
> 
> Other than that, please leave any suggestions if I can improve on my writing or works later on!! Thank you so much for reading!!

He sits on the beanbag, a bag of candies to his side, staring blankly at the tv in front of him. Reruns of a monochrome anime fills the room with a dim light. The sounds of the tv and rain seems to constantly amplify in his head. He doesn’t feel real. Jaemin feels as if he’s floating in some kind of limbo, somewhere between dark and light, between life and death. The sound of a knock on the door brings him out of his thoughts. He lets out a sigh and finally moves after six hours. He opens the door and was greeted by the face of his childhood friend, Jeno.

Jeno looks Jaemin up and down and frowns, “you look awful,” he says.

Jaemin raises an eyebrow and just responds with a simple, “I know.”

“Hey, maybe instead of just sitting there, we can go do some work at the library so you can get out of your room,” Jeno suggests.

Jaemin knows he can’t fight Jeno, so he agrees (not really) and grabs his backpack and follows Jeno.

****

Mark sighed, sitting down in front of his computer at the receptionist desk, “why is it so busy today?”

Jungwoo looks over his shoulder, “well, finals is in two weeks, so I guess there’s a lot of projects due soon.”

Mark begins typing on the computer, answering requests and appointments for private study rooms and sessions.

A “hey, Mark!” snaps his attention away and he sees Jeno, smiling as happily as normal. He responds with, “hey, Jeno! It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you here.”

Mark and Jeno have their conversation, but he notices someone behind his friend, kind of looking around with a blank expression on his face.

“Is that your friend?” Mark asks. Jeno nods.

“Yeah! His name’s Jaemin. Trying to get him to be social,” Jeno says, and Mark just chuckles a bit.

Jeno waves and walks over to a private study room, his friend following behind him closely. Mark is suddenly very interested in Jeno’s antisocial friend.

****

A few days later, Mark runs (literally) into Jaemin by accident on his way to his chemistry lab. He was running five minutes late already since his alarm didn’t wake him up on time (in all actuality, Mark hit snooze nearly five times). Mark looks at Jaemin, who seems quite unbothered. “I’m so sorry,” Mark rushes.

“No worries, I’m guessing you’re late to class,” Jaemin responds, monotonously.

“Yeah,” Mark says, his word trailing off while he was scratching his head.

“Go around the side if you’re late to chem. Helps a lot,” Jaemin says.

Mark thanks him and runs off. Mark didn’t know this but Jaemin sits in front of him in that chem lab… and class was cancelled that day.

 _Should’ve read your email_ , Jaemin thinks.

****

Mark glares at the note written on the door of the classroom: _CLASS CANCELLED_. In a huff, he turns around and heads back to his dorm. _At least_ , he thought, _I’m not going to miss anything_. He threw his backpack to the side of his desk as he opened the door of his dorm and flopped onto his bed.

Meanwhile, Jaemin was sat in the library. He started going nearly everyday since Jeno brought him. But this particular day, he wishes he didn’t step foot into here. Across the room, he spots him. Suddenly, Jaemin wants to evaporate. _He’s happy, leave him be_. The sight of him laughing with another hurt his heart. _You weren’t nearly enough for him_. Suddenly he’s leaning his head on his lover’s shoulder. Jaemin couldn’t watch it anymore. He quickly darts out of the library to his dorm, using all of his willpower going to hold back his tears. He slumps his shoulders, backpack falling to the ground. Sobs rack his body as he sinks down onto the floor. His face is buried in his knees, and he just cries. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there, but he just let’s time go by. He stops crying at one point and just sits there, in deep silence. He’s secretly thankful that he just has this dorm to himself now. Honestly, at this point Jaemin is too tired - mentally and physically - to go to his only other class of the day. He just sinks into his bed and stares at the wall until he falls asleep.

On the other side of the hall, Mark was looking at the clock. The guy was crying for nearly three hours. It went silent for nearly two hours, and he just heard something knock against the door before it went silent again. Mark wonders who it is, but he doesn’t knock on the door. He slips a piece of paper on the other side of the door and just goes back into his room to finish his presentation.

****

Funny enough, the next day Mark and Jaemin come out of their dorm rooms at the same time. Mark just goes over and hugs Jaemin before heading to his calc class. Shocked, Jaemin stands there for a brief second before shaking his head. _It’s nothing, just a hug_.

The day passed by quickly, for Jaemin at least. He had his only class, economics, and so he had the rest of the day off. He veered towards the library and sat in the desk next to the reception, doing his work. He perked up at the sound of him, and his eyes just followed.

Mark walked through and sat behind the reception desk, logging into the computer. He would look up every so often to make sure the students were doing something instead of just standing around. He noticed Jaemin just staring at Yukhei, who was talking to someone, possibly a project part- oh nope, lover. Mark goes over to where Jaemin sits, and just sits next to him.

“Hey, Jaemin… are you okay?” Mark whispers.

Jaemin seemed to jump out of his skin, but calmed down as he saw it was Mark. “Yeah, I guess…”

Mark frowned, “it doesn’t seem that way…” he trails off.

Jaemin just chuckles sadly, “I guess, I try to put up this facade. Doesn’t work on you, huh?”

“Well…” Mark starts, “I guess I just pieced it together.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Jaemin says softly, “sometimes the facade is to mask all the pain and burden the person carries.”

Mark looks at him confused and worried, “I know we haven’t really becomes friends yet, but I’ll always be here to talk if you need it, Jaemin.”

Jaemin gives him a soft, yet pained smile, “thanks, Mark.” To which he is returned a nod.

Mark then suggests something, “hey, since tomorrow is the weekend, let’s go out and do something to get your mind off of it?”

Jaemin… doesn’t refuse. He thought that maybe it would be nice to go out and maybe clear his mind this time. The next day, Mark picks him up and they head to an open field, surrounded by a forest, not a dense one, but definitely a forest. “What’s this place? Are you planning something?” Jaemin asks, looking at Mark.

Mark just laughs and shakes his head, “no, I’m not planning anything. I thought this would help clear your mind. I always come here when uni gets a little rough or when I’m feeling down.”

Jaemin nods and gets out of the car, heading towards the field, filled with sunflowers and wheat stalks. For the first time in a while, he has a clear and genuine smile. He couldn’t not smile, the place was absolutely gorgeous and peaceful. Mark gets out of the car, but leans against the hood of the car, arms folded across his chest. Jaemin’s clear and genuine smile brought a smile to his face, and it made his heart flutter a bit, but he didn’t think much of it. As the sun set, it just seemed to make Jaemin glow, like an ethereal angel. Mark couldn’t help but snap a few photos.

From then on, every Saturday, that was their go-to spot for months. Jaemin and Mark never missed a single Saturday, whether it be rain, snow, hail, or sunshine. And every Saturday, Mark’s heart would flutter more and more at the sight of Jaemin. But little did Mark know, Jaemin slowly started head over heels for Mark. He would turn back and see Mark leaning nonchalantly against the car, and he would turn back around and smile, sometimes chuckle at the sight of the older boy.

It wasn’t until one day that Mark had gone out of the car a second before Jaemin did. He leaned against the car, per usual. It was snowing, and the sight was just so beautiful. Jaemin did his usual of turning around and looking at Mark. But this time, he couldn’t hold himself back. He ran towards Mark, wrapped his arms around him, and kissed him. Mark went wide-eyed with shock, but surely kissed back. Jaemin was the one to pull back, with the biggest grin on his face, and that grin just made Mark’s heart soar, and made him return the smile. “Be my boyfriend,” Mark says. Jaemin responded with a simple nod.

They were in love. They were the campus’ it couple. Everyone knew of Jaemin and Mark, the two inseparable boyfriends. It was almost like the universe was set up just for the two to be together. They walked hand in hand to calc every day, hand in hand to the library, hand in hand to chem. Jaemin would walk Mark to his physics class, and Mark would walk Jaemin to his anatomy class. This continued for two years.

During Mark’s senior year, they had a couple of arguments, but nothing serious. But one night, one of their arguments had caused Mark to storm out of their shared apartment on campus, and he left for two days. Jaemin didn’t see a trace of him. Jaemin sat there, feeling his heart break. His neighbors remember hearing his pained cries. But, Mark returned, eyes red and puffy, and kneeled in front of Jaemin. “Jaemin, I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” And of course Jaemin does, he always will.

Some time half way through the school year, they get into another argument, which again, causes Mark to leave their shared apartment. Jaemin is heartbroken, once again. This time it lasts four days. Four days of constant crying. On the fourth day, he manages to drag himself out of bed a little bit earlier than normal and stop at the coffee shop before heading to class. But upon approaching the coffee shop, he sees Mark sitting there through the glass. Mark looked so beautiful to Jaemin, still. Mark was wearing the tan coat Jaemin gifted to him last year, a black t-shirt, and a pair of jeans with a nice pair of black shoes. His glasses were sitting perfectly on the bridge of his nose. The look of Mark still made Jaemin’s heart soar, through and through. Mark did look a little somber though, but it was immediately replaced with a big grin when he saw Yukhei sit down across from him. Jaemin could hear his own heart break. Some girls saw Jaemin and then looked in the direction where he was looking and started whispering. Mark and Yukhei stand up and exit out the side door, as opposed to the front door where Jaemin was near. After they left, Jaemin walked in and ordered an expresso before he headed to class.

Once he got home, he threw his backpack to the side and curled under the covers. At this point he had no tears left to cry, but his heart and head hurt like crazy. After a while, he heard the door click, then open and close. It was Mark. Mark wanders into their bedroom and sits on the bed next to Jaemin. “I’m sorry for walking out like that. I did a lot of thinking while I was out, and I was in the wrong to do so,” Mark says. Most of Jaemin’s friends would say that apology wouldn’t suffice to anything.

But Jaemin sits up and looks at him, “Mark, I forgive you. But, do you want to stay together?”

Mark nods and leans over and gives Jaemin a kiss, “of course I do.”

Jaemin _knows_. Jaemin knows better than anyone. He shouldn’t be doing this. Jaemin knows he shouldn’t. He can’t risk his sanity again. But, hell, he’s willing to do it for Mark over and over again.

But the move that knocked over all of the dominoes was a casual instance. Mark didn’t have classes that day, and Jaemin came home early, since the lecture was a short one today. He quietly opened the door, as not to disturb Mark.

“I don’t know. I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells if I bring up the topic of breaking up. I know we’re falling apart. We’ve become distant from each other,” Mark says on the phone.

Jaemin’s face visibly drops and his heart sinks to his stomach.

“I just… don’t know how to bring it up lightly to him, y’know? He’s been hurt before and I don’t want to hurt him as bad as his ex did, Yukhei,” Mark continues.

Jaemin drops his backpack with a loud thud, and Mark jumps up, hanging up the phone immediately.

“Jaemin, it’s not what it sounds like,” Mark tries to explain. But Jaemin was already headed towards their bedroom. He pulled out his suitcase from underneath their bed and opens it in a haste. Mark chases him, “Jaemin, it’s seriously isn’t what it sounds like!”

Jaemin starts to throw all of his clothes into the suitcase, tears trickling down his face. But he makes no sound, other than that of shuffling around to grab his belongings.

Mark suddenly grabs Jaemin’s arms and spins him to look at him face to face, “will you listen, Jaemin?”

Jaemin at that point falls apart, “listen to what? I know you’ve been with Yukhei. I know it all. But you know what? I held it in. I held it in for the last few months, knowing you were seeing Yukhei behind my back. Now what do you want me to listen to? Your little speech about how it isn’t the case? Mark, I knew nearly four months ago, when you left for four days. I saw you and Yukhei walk out of that cafe together. I’m tired, Mark. I know your true feelings now.”

Mark’s grip loosens on Jaemin’s arm, his face falling, “Yukhei didn’t know that we were still together until today, when I was just talking on the phone with him before you came in.”

Jaemin collapses and sobs, “I held it in for so long, Mark. You won’t even hug me, or kiss me a simple goodbye. You sleep on the opposite end of the bed. You don’t come home until late. I’ve known you were seeing someone else. But I held it in because I love you. I would easily give up the whole world for you, but clearly you couldn’t do the same for me!”

Mark stepped back and sat on the bed, looking down with a shameful expression. Jaemin finished packing his stuff and walked out, still sobbing.

Jaemin had once again, risked his sanity for someone. But that person couldn’t do the same for him.


End file.
